1.谁对我的感情能像对人民币那样坚定啊！
Who can be as firm to me as to RMB!
2.都说男女平等了，那我怎么不能进女厕所呢。
Its said that men and women are equal, so why can I go to the womens room.
3.遇到你之前，我的世界是黑白的，遇到你之后，哇靠，全黑了。
Before I met you, my world was black and white. After I met you, it was all black.
4.真羡慕你们这些长得丑的人，失恋了至少还可以说一句“谁让我丑呢”来安慰自己。
I envy you ugly people. If you are lovelorn, you can at least say "who makes me ugly" to comfort yourself.
5.“如果我出轨了怎么办？”“那我就睁一只眼闭一只眼！”“真的？”“嗯，地瞄准了再开枪！”
"What if I cheat?" "Then Ill turn a blind eye!" "Really?" "Well, you have to aim before you shoot!"
6.只要你不去做，就没人知道你不会。
As long as you don do it, no one knows you won
7.刚刚被吵醒，就听见小区里有个男人大喊：打死，打死，往死打，反了，反了。这是要出大事的节奏啊！看看怎么回事，我赶紧起床，跑到窗前……我去，一个男人指挥媳妇倒车呢！
Just wake up, I heard a man in the community shouting: beat to death, beat to death, anti, anti. This is the rhythm of big things! Look whats going on, I get up quickly and run to the window Ill go. A man is directing his daughter-in-law to back up!
8.起得比鸡早，睡得比猫晚，赚得比兔子的毛还少。
He gets up earlier than a chicken, goes to bed later than a cat, and earns less than a bald mans hair.
9.失败无数次也要表白，总有一个会瞎了眼。
If you have to confess your failure countless times, one will be blind
10.天若有情人亦老，人若有情死得早。
If there is love in heaven, people are old. If there is love, people will die early
11.犯贱是普通真理，你我只是其中之一。
Being humble is a common truth, and you and I are just one of them
12.什么是限制你自由的主要因素？神回复：手机充电器的长度。
What are the main factors limiting your freedom? God reply: the length of mobile phone charger.
13.生活总是笑你一无所有，也让你明白，不努力就会被他踩死。
Life always laughs at you for having nothing and makes you understand that if you don work hard, you will be trampled to death by him.
14.保持快乐的秘诀就是吃火锅，喝奶茶。
The secret to keep happy is to eat hot pot and drink milk tea
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